My dear friend Diane wrote me a question about my latest blog post. She asked me why I wanted to have an extraordinary life?
I guess the answer to that is multi-faceted. The first thing that comes to mind is, "I'm not really sure...I've always wanted an extraordinary life." I've always felt like I was put on the Earth to do big things and have pushed myself to learn and grow and develop myself as much as I could so that I can do big things.
But digging deeper I realise that I feel very much like my friend Sally. Sally is 23 and has just graduated from University. She, by her own accounts, has lived a very sheltered life. Then last year she went to Burma. Now, Sally has seen third world countries before and the experience has never affected her like Burma. Maybe it was her age; she was now mature enough to look outside herself, maybe it was the fact that she's part Burmese and still has relatives there. But all of a sudden she was looking at the world with new eyes. And she saw how other people lived. A lot of other people, all over the planet. All of a sudden she became acutely aware of how much needs to be done on this Earth. And since she returned from Burma she's been on a one woman mission to solve the world's problems. All of them. Tomorrow. (Ah to be young again!) :)
But seriously, Sally is remarkable and someone I admire greatly.
I practiced some of my new NLP skills on Sally last night to help her with some goals she wants to achieve around health and fitness. When I asked her why she wants to achieve them she said (and I'm paraphrasing here), because she wants the energy to do all of the things she needs to do to save the world. I asked her why that was important and she said that she believed you were given this life as a gift and that if you didn't use it to help others you were just taking up space (again my paraphrasing).
I realised that I feel exactly the same way.
However, having a good 25 years and several hundred, if not thousand hours of personal development work under my belt, I would go on to say that it's my personal belief that everyone actually feels the way Sally does. Everyone wants to help others. Everyone wants to make a difference.
But not everyone knows that they have the tools to do so. Many of us get stuck using tools and strategies that don't serve us because of some decisions we've made (sometimes about ourselves, sometimes others) about what's happened to us in the past.
Now, I'm not saying that everyone wants to or should be on a one wo(man) mission to save the world... Some people have big goals, some small. But I do think that everyone, deep down in their heart, wants to make a difference.
So why do I want to live an extraordinary life? Because I believe I can a difference. But I'm not on a one woman mission to save the world. I'm on a multiple person mission. I believe that I have some tools that can help unlock latent potential in others. I believe that I can help people adopt more resourceful strategies that will serve them and help them serve others. I believe that my purpose on this planet, during this lifetime, is to play a small part in activating a critical mass of people that are living their dreams and caring about what happens in this world. This critical mass of people will then change the course that we are currently on and will preserve our planet for generations to come. But in order to help people live up to their own potential I have to live up to mine, every day. I believe I can be an example of what's possible.
I think each of us have the responsibility to do the best with what we have. I've been blessed. I've been given a lot. As such, much should be asked from me and I'm trying to give it. Every day in every way.
And if I can do that it will be a life well lived.
So thank you Diane, my great friend, for asking me that question. And as we both know, that is your gift. The gift of asking great questions and getting people to think deeply about them.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Extraordinary Decisions vs Ordinary Decisions
Wow, it's been 10 days since I've posted. I want to post at least twice a week but I have let life and work get in the way. Both have been great. Really busy. I've got some new opportunities work wise which should generate a lot of new clients and revenue which I'm really excited about. More about that when they start popping.
Last week I was feeling a bit out of sorts. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I had spent so much time in courses over the last month that I had not been able to push my business forward like I'd wanted to. Although with a bit more clarity I've since realised that I was doing exactly what I needed to...acquiring more skills to use in my coaching and a wonderful methodology through the Thought Leaders' Million Dollar Expert Immersion program. That one really helped me get clear on my message and gave me a system to organise everything. I highly recommend it to anyone in Australia that can take advantage of it that wants to develop a career training, speaking, writing and coaching (not necessarily in that order).
But last week I was not feeling this way. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and disappointed in myself for not doing more in my business. I was also feeling angry at myself for not having as consistent of a yoga practice during all of these courses as I am committed to having.
Then, Thursday night as I was getting ready for my session with my coach from the States, Patty I started to ask myself some hard questions. The kinds of questions that I ask my clients. The kinds of questions that makes you really take a good hard look at yourself.
I asked myself why I let myself down so much in so many areas of my life. I wasn't eating consistently like I really want to eat. I wasn't practicing as much as I want to practice. I wasn't working on my business as much as I know I should.
And then the light bulb went on. I realised that I only really needed to ask myself one question. That question changed my life and my approach to it. That question is this..."Is this an extraordinary decision or an ordinary one." That's it!
Let me explain. You see, I am committed to helping people realise their true potential in life and then helping them with some tools so that they can live up to that potential. I'm committed to helping people have extraordinary results in their life. Yet, I realised that I wasn't living up to my own potential or getting the extraordinary results that I wanted and deserve.
I realised that I settle for the ordinary...a lot.
So I decided to ask myself a question every time I make a decision. "Is this an extraordinary decision or an ordinary one?" And these decisions range from what to have for snack...(starchy, processed food or a healthy juice blended up in my Vita Mix), to how to spend my time (should I really meditate or am I too tired?)
Now I'm not claiming that I'll make extraordinary decisions every time. But what I've noticed is that I am making them (after now 4 days of practice) much more than I was before. I'm also noticing that they are easy and that the mere act of asking myself that question gives me choice and serves as a constant reminder of what I'm committed to.
It's been a great tool for me and I'd encourage anyone who's up to extraordinary things to ask themselves the same question or a similary one.
What decisions have you made today that were extraordinary? :)
Last week I was feeling a bit out of sorts. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I had spent so much time in courses over the last month that I had not been able to push my business forward like I'd wanted to. Although with a bit more clarity I've since realised that I was doing exactly what I needed to...acquiring more skills to use in my coaching and a wonderful methodology through the Thought Leaders' Million Dollar Expert Immersion program. That one really helped me get clear on my message and gave me a system to organise everything. I highly recommend it to anyone in Australia that can take advantage of it that wants to develop a career training, speaking, writing and coaching (not necessarily in that order).
But last week I was not feeling this way. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and disappointed in myself for not doing more in my business. I was also feeling angry at myself for not having as consistent of a yoga practice during all of these courses as I am committed to having.
Then, Thursday night as I was getting ready for my session with my coach from the States, Patty I started to ask myself some hard questions. The kinds of questions that I ask my clients. The kinds of questions that makes you really take a good hard look at yourself.
I asked myself why I let myself down so much in so many areas of my life. I wasn't eating consistently like I really want to eat. I wasn't practicing as much as I want to practice. I wasn't working on my business as much as I know I should.
And then the light bulb went on. I realised that I only really needed to ask myself one question. That question changed my life and my approach to it. That question is this..."Is this an extraordinary decision or an ordinary one." That's it!
Let me explain. You see, I am committed to helping people realise their true potential in life and then helping them with some tools so that they can live up to that potential. I'm committed to helping people have extraordinary results in their life. Yet, I realised that I wasn't living up to my own potential or getting the extraordinary results that I wanted and deserve.
I realised that I settle for the ordinary...a lot.
So I decided to ask myself a question every time I make a decision. "Is this an extraordinary decision or an ordinary one?" And these decisions range from what to have for snack...(starchy, processed food or a healthy juice blended up in my Vita Mix), to how to spend my time (should I really meditate or am I too tired?)
Now I'm not claiming that I'll make extraordinary decisions every time. But what I've noticed is that I am making them (after now 4 days of practice) much more than I was before. I'm also noticing that they are easy and that the mere act of asking myself that question gives me choice and serves as a constant reminder of what I'm committed to.
It's been a great tool for me and I'd encourage anyone who's up to extraordinary things to ask themselves the same question or a similary one.
What decisions have you made today that were extraordinary? :)
Saturday, August 1, 2009
On not being the smartest chick in the room.
My niece, Kristen, who is extremely intelligent (along with my other two nieces, Heather and Robyn) commented at the beginning of her Freshman year at Ohio State (my and both of her parents' Alma Mater) that she was adjusting to not being the smartest girl in the class. She is, after all in Honours Engineering at one of the top schools in the US.
I reflected on that statement at the time and wondered what that felt like. Now, I don't claim the intelligence level of my nieces (although I am a pretty smart chick). But where I've been the smartest chick in the room was in my profession. After about 12 years in recruitment I'd reached the pinnacle of success in so many ways. Others made more money than I did, to be sure. But I was working 4 days / week and doing rather well. I was clearly at the top of my game and the "go to" person in accounting and finance recruitment in Auckland.
I spent the next 2 years really just going through the motions. I would interview a candidate and know within 5 minutes (and that's being generous) whether I could place them, where I could place them and if it was the right decision for their career. Then I had to spend 30 - 45 minutes with them going through the motions of an interview so that THEY felt like that had value.
I would sit in client visits and know in 5 minutes whether I could help this company. I knew what they needed (many times when they did not), I knew if they really had the authority to make the decisions and whether they would make them quickly or be a pain in the backside. Then I had to sit through the next 45 minutes with them establishing a relationship and making sure that they felt like they had received value from me.
Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing in terms of furthering relationships from both a candidate or client's perspective. But once you attain a certain level of mastery in something it just feels sometimes like you are going through the motions.
For the last several years that I was in recruitment I longed to learn from others who were better than I was. I longed to be challenged, to try something new and a bit daring or edgy. But it just didn't happen.
Then I moved to Sydney, gave up my recruitment career, started my new business and began to hang out with some really cool people including but not limited to the Thought Leaders Community, and the SRI Community. Not to mention my friends that I began developing through Tony Robbins (the grad community is much more active in Sydney than in Auckland).
I just completed Thought Leaders Million Dollar Expert's Immersion Program (yes, ANOTHER course!) yesterday. This was two days of intense thought around my business, my message, my mode of delivery and my market. Very cool stuff. I have a lot of work to do, which is really really exciting.
I was blown away by the caliber of talent in the room, quite honestly. Not only was I not the smartest chick in the room, I wasn't even in the top 50%!
And what a wonderful feeling that is.
My main message, I've discovered, is to help people re-invent themselves. Isn't that perfect? I've had 4 distinct careers, been married, amicably divorced and am now dating again, and lost 22 kgs / 50 lbs 5 years ago. I've re-invented myself several time over!
I think that challenging yourself and putting yourself in the position where you're not the smartest person in the room is not only a great way to re-invent yourself, but is also a fantastic way to keep from having to. If you're constantly learning, evolving and growing you can avoid most pitfalls that will necessitate a major change in your life.
Hmmmm, something to think about.
I reflected on that statement at the time and wondered what that felt like. Now, I don't claim the intelligence level of my nieces (although I am a pretty smart chick). But where I've been the smartest chick in the room was in my profession. After about 12 years in recruitment I'd reached the pinnacle of success in so many ways. Others made more money than I did, to be sure. But I was working 4 days / week and doing rather well. I was clearly at the top of my game and the "go to" person in accounting and finance recruitment in Auckland.
I spent the next 2 years really just going through the motions. I would interview a candidate and know within 5 minutes (and that's being generous) whether I could place them, where I could place them and if it was the right decision for their career. Then I had to spend 30 - 45 minutes with them going through the motions of an interview so that THEY felt like that had value.
I would sit in client visits and know in 5 minutes whether I could help this company. I knew what they needed (many times when they did not), I knew if they really had the authority to make the decisions and whether they would make them quickly or be a pain in the backside. Then I had to sit through the next 45 minutes with them establishing a relationship and making sure that they felt like they had received value from me.
Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing in terms of furthering relationships from both a candidate or client's perspective. But once you attain a certain level of mastery in something it just feels sometimes like you are going through the motions.
For the last several years that I was in recruitment I longed to learn from others who were better than I was. I longed to be challenged, to try something new and a bit daring or edgy. But it just didn't happen.
Then I moved to Sydney, gave up my recruitment career, started my new business and began to hang out with some really cool people including but not limited to the Thought Leaders Community, and the SRI Community. Not to mention my friends that I began developing through Tony Robbins (the grad community is much more active in Sydney than in Auckland).
I just completed Thought Leaders Million Dollar Expert's Immersion Program (yes, ANOTHER course!) yesterday. This was two days of intense thought around my business, my message, my mode of delivery and my market. Very cool stuff. I have a lot of work to do, which is really really exciting.
I was blown away by the caliber of talent in the room, quite honestly. Not only was I not the smartest chick in the room, I wasn't even in the top 50%!
And what a wonderful feeling that is.
My main message, I've discovered, is to help people re-invent themselves. Isn't that perfect? I've had 4 distinct careers, been married, amicably divorced and am now dating again, and lost 22 kgs / 50 lbs 5 years ago. I've re-invented myself several time over!
I think that challenging yourself and putting yourself in the position where you're not the smartest person in the room is not only a great way to re-invent yourself, but is also a fantastic way to keep from having to. If you're constantly learning, evolving and growing you can avoid most pitfalls that will necessitate a major change in your life.
Hmmmm, something to think about.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Neuro Strategies - Wow!
I'm sitting at home and really enjoying being here. I haven't spent too much time in my house recently and I really love it. It's quiet and warm and comfy. I have the candles lit and the music on. Life is good!!!
I spent all of last week (Sunday - Saturday) in Steve Linder's Neuro Strategies course. Most of you reading this will know that I've done a lot of Tony Robbins work. I really see Steve as someone who is standing on Tony's shoulders; adding Tony's work to others' (including traditional NLP) and using his brilliant mind to combine it into distinctions which are uniquely his own. Plus, he has a way of "chunking things down" to make them elegantly simple and very accessible.
What did I gain? I feel like the cobwebs are cleared from my mind. My ability to recall things from both short and long term memory has been enhanced. I'm remembering things from my past in vivid detail all of a sudden. Including the weave of people's clothing. It's amazing.
More importantly though I gained a lot of strategies to retrain my own mind, to put more empowering meanings on events from my past and to keep myself at cause in my life instead of at effect.
Most importantly I gained the ability to use these tools to help others make a real difference in their lives. I am confident that I can help anyone at anytime overcome challenges. I can help them create an empowering future for themselves and teach them some tools to live into that empowering future. I can also help people get out of debt, gain better health and wow their friends at cocktail parties by lifting people out of their chairs with just two fingers. :)
And, I gained three certifications that I can now put on my profile: NLP, Time Line Therapy and Hypnotherapy. Cool stuff.
And I've already been using some of these distinctions. I met with a couple of men I'll be working with to deliver sales training and offered up Steve's "buying strategies" model. They loved it and will incorporate it into a sales round table that we are participating in tomorrow.
I also introduced some of the concepts to the RCSA (the recruitment industry's trade organisation in ANZ) when talking to them about delivering a series of webinars.
I know these tools and strategies will make a huge difference in my life and others and really can't wait to start sharing them.
To that end...if you are in Sydney...I will be holding a training day to go over some of these distinctions on the 8th of August. Location TBD. 10 AM - 5PM. Let me know if you are interested and I'll tailor the content to the majority of the group.
Unfortunately the late hours have played havoc with my yoga practice. But I have gotten back into it slowly over the last couple of days with just standing poses. Tomorrow will be a full self practice before the round table.
Scooty and I have been having a lot of fun. We've been buzzing all over town...including an impromptu, white knuckle trip over the Harbour Bridge (very windy) at 9:00 last night. I think I was driving about 40K's. Luckily there was very little traffic.
Busy week this week again. Lots of potential opportunities...more on that later!
I spent all of last week (Sunday - Saturday) in Steve Linder's Neuro Strategies course. Most of you reading this will know that I've done a lot of Tony Robbins work. I really see Steve as someone who is standing on Tony's shoulders; adding Tony's work to others' (including traditional NLP) and using his brilliant mind to combine it into distinctions which are uniquely his own. Plus, he has a way of "chunking things down" to make them elegantly simple and very accessible.
What did I gain? I feel like the cobwebs are cleared from my mind. My ability to recall things from both short and long term memory has been enhanced. I'm remembering things from my past in vivid detail all of a sudden. Including the weave of people's clothing. It's amazing.
More importantly though I gained a lot of strategies to retrain my own mind, to put more empowering meanings on events from my past and to keep myself at cause in my life instead of at effect.
Most importantly I gained the ability to use these tools to help others make a real difference in their lives. I am confident that I can help anyone at anytime overcome challenges. I can help them create an empowering future for themselves and teach them some tools to live into that empowering future. I can also help people get out of debt, gain better health and wow their friends at cocktail parties by lifting people out of their chairs with just two fingers. :)
And, I gained three certifications that I can now put on my profile: NLP, Time Line Therapy and Hypnotherapy. Cool stuff.
And I've already been using some of these distinctions. I met with a couple of men I'll be working with to deliver sales training and offered up Steve's "buying strategies" model. They loved it and will incorporate it into a sales round table that we are participating in tomorrow.
I also introduced some of the concepts to the RCSA (the recruitment industry's trade organisation in ANZ) when talking to them about delivering a series of webinars.
I know these tools and strategies will make a huge difference in my life and others and really can't wait to start sharing them.
To that end...if you are in Sydney...I will be holding a training day to go over some of these distinctions on the 8th of August. Location TBD. 10 AM - 5PM. Let me know if you are interested and I'll tailor the content to the majority of the group.
Unfortunately the late hours have played havoc with my yoga practice. But I have gotten back into it slowly over the last couple of days with just standing poses. Tomorrow will be a full self practice before the round table.
Scooty and I have been having a lot of fun. We've been buzzing all over town...including an impromptu, white knuckle trip over the Harbour Bridge (very windy) at 9:00 last night. I think I was driving about 40K's. Luckily there was very little traffic.
Busy week this week again. Lots of potential opportunities...more on that later!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Haven't forgotten about the blog
Have just been busy with a full on course on Neuro Strategies. I'll update tomorrow or Tuesday latest, I promise!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Yogic Life
The reason that my blog is called "A Yogic Life in the Modern World" is because that seems to best describe how I am currently living my life. I am caught up in the day to day life of modern, western civilisation...but trying to stay true or at least as true as I can to the philosophies and practices that I'm learning through yoga.
A quick note. When I talk about yoga I talk about it in the macro sense...all of Pattanjali's 8 limbs if you will (google it for those of you who don't know what I mean). Not just the physical practice or asanas. But the yamas and niyamas (moral codes) and the spiritual practices as well.
That's what I love about Ashtanga...which means "8 limbs." The asana practice incorporates it all.
I began an Ashtanga yoga practice in 2000 and practiced regularly for a year before moving to NZ. I had a very sporadic practice for 4 years and finally went back in September 2006 to the Auckland Yoga Academy run by my dear friends Jude Hynes and Peter Nilsson after having lost 50 lbs / 22 kgs. I developed a 4 - 5 day / week practice and it truly became part of my life. I also started to study yogic philosophies with Peter and Jude and developed a wonderful friendship.
Now, Ashtanga is an absolute miracle for me. It's the most dynamic of yoga practices and builds incredible stamina and strength in addition to flexibility. It's an hour and a half to two hours of constant movement and very challenging poses. There are something like 47 push ups spread throughout the practice as well (it took me a year of constant practice to even do one of them!)
I've never been particularly strong. In fact, growing up my parents used to call me Cupcake Muscles! So, for me to have a regular Ashtanga practice is a miracle. For me to be able to do the entire primary series in completely unexpected. But here I am.
If you are a dedicated Ashtangi you go to Mysore, India: the source for Ashtanga where the founder of the practice Sri K. Pattabhi Jois (Guruji) lived for most of his 93 years and died just this past May. I did go to Mysore and spent 4 months there from July - October of last year. I wrote my first blog about those experiences, "Eat, Pray, Love: the Kim Smith Version." This was a life changing experience for me on so many levels.
Not only did my yoga practice deepen imeasurably, but I also had the privilege to study philosophy and TM Meditation with another true guru and true yogi, Narasimhan. Then there was India herself. What an amazing place with stunning people. My friend Amna Ali Kamal says it best in her song, "White Cow", "Take me back to India, she's got me through the souls of my feet."
India gets into your DNA. Once you've been part of you never leaves. I get homesick for India just like I get homesick for the States or New Zealand...yet somehow even more profoundly. The only way to explain it is that I feel its the true home of my soul.
One of the best things about Sydney though is my teacher here, Eileen Hall of Yoga Moves. Eileen was one of Guruji's first western students and is an amazing teacher. My practice has come far in the 8 months that I've been with her.
Much of the joy in my life comes from my yoga practice. As silly as it sounds to non yoga practitioners every yogi and yogini will understand when I say that I could lose everything in my life, but as long as I had my yoga practice I'd have everything I need.
It's not always easy balancing the demands of modern daily life with a yoga practice...but then again that, in itself is yoga.
A quick note. When I talk about yoga I talk about it in the macro sense...all of Pattanjali's 8 limbs if you will (google it for those of you who don't know what I mean). Not just the physical practice or asanas. But the yamas and niyamas (moral codes) and the spiritual practices as well.
That's what I love about Ashtanga...which means "8 limbs." The asana practice incorporates it all.
I began an Ashtanga yoga practice in 2000 and practiced regularly for a year before moving to NZ. I had a very sporadic practice for 4 years and finally went back in September 2006 to the Auckland Yoga Academy run by my dear friends Jude Hynes and Peter Nilsson after having lost 50 lbs / 22 kgs. I developed a 4 - 5 day / week practice and it truly became part of my life. I also started to study yogic philosophies with Peter and Jude and developed a wonderful friendship.
Now, Ashtanga is an absolute miracle for me. It's the most dynamic of yoga practices and builds incredible stamina and strength in addition to flexibility. It's an hour and a half to two hours of constant movement and very challenging poses. There are something like 47 push ups spread throughout the practice as well (it took me a year of constant practice to even do one of them!)
I've never been particularly strong. In fact, growing up my parents used to call me Cupcake Muscles! So, for me to have a regular Ashtanga practice is a miracle. For me to be able to do the entire primary series in completely unexpected. But here I am.
If you are a dedicated Ashtangi you go to Mysore, India: the source for Ashtanga where the founder of the practice Sri K. Pattabhi Jois (Guruji) lived for most of his 93 years and died just this past May. I did go to Mysore and spent 4 months there from July - October of last year. I wrote my first blog about those experiences, "Eat, Pray, Love: the Kim Smith Version." This was a life changing experience for me on so many levels.
Not only did my yoga practice deepen imeasurably, but I also had the privilege to study philosophy and TM Meditation with another true guru and true yogi, Narasimhan. Then there was India herself. What an amazing place with stunning people. My friend Amna Ali Kamal says it best in her song, "White Cow", "Take me back to India, she's got me through the souls of my feet."
India gets into your DNA. Once you've been part of you never leaves. I get homesick for India just like I get homesick for the States or New Zealand...yet somehow even more profoundly. The only way to explain it is that I feel its the true home of my soul.
One of the best things about Sydney though is my teacher here, Eileen Hall of Yoga Moves. Eileen was one of Guruji's first western students and is an amazing teacher. My practice has come far in the 8 months that I've been with her.
Much of the joy in my life comes from my yoga practice. As silly as it sounds to non yoga practitioners every yogi and yogini will understand when I say that I could lose everything in my life, but as long as I had my yoga practice I'd have everything I need.
It's not always easy balancing the demands of modern daily life with a yoga practice...but then again that, in itself is yoga.
Dating Life
As I mentioned, I'm divorced and dating vigorously. Well, technically I'm separated as NZ has a 2 year mandatory separation before getting a divorce. After August 4th my husband Brad (whom I'm still great friends with!!!) will take our separation agreement and $25 down to the court house to finalise our divorce. He'll be happy...no more joint US tax returns!
It's interesting dating at 48. In many ways it's much easier than when I was younger, maybe because I'm much more self-confident...maybe because I'm much hotter than I was back then (see told ya I have a healthy opinion of myself). :)
But the last few months have been quite the experience.
Now, I'm primarily using RSVP, an online dating site in Oz to find men to date. I love RSVP because you don't get as many weirdos and scam artists as I found on Match.com. It's also a great system because you can "kiss" people you're interested in and, if they are interested in you, they will reply positively and then you spend money on a "stamp" to send an email. For women it's a very cheap way to go as you get more than enough hits. I rarely send kisses...only if there is someone that really attracts my attention.
I use RSVP because I think it's a tremendously effective use of time, gives me access to a much broader cross section of men. And I can "date" in the comfort of my own home wearing old sweat pants and no make up.
I've had email exchanges with over 100 guys, met over 30 for first dates and had exactly 3 second dates. Yes, I'm picky.
I've learned some things along the way too:
I've only I met one guy that totally lied in his profile. He said he was 5'9" (5'6" is being generous) and that he had an athletic body (maybe he did 10 - 15 years ago but now he's almost as wide as he is tall). Now I would tell him that he'd misrepresented himself and walk out. But this was the early days and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Mid way through my first and only glass of wine he asked me how he was doing and if I'd like to see him again. I said no.
The other guys were nice, but not compelling enough for me to spend more time with.
Of the three second dates I had...
One has turned into a great friend (probably my best friend in Sydney) and business associate. He doesn't feel a "spark" for me, which is fine. We have a great time together and don't seem to get bored with each other, which is ashtonishing for both of us, really.
One wanted to move really really quickly. I suspect he was more looking for a mother for his children than a romantic partner. I like him a lot and was attracted to him but I just didn't seem to connect with him like he said he was connecting with me. Part of it was the fact that he didn't take particularly good care of himself physically, which is a big deal. Part of it was something else that I just couldn't put my finger on. But he's now in a relationship that seems to be working really well for him and I'm happy.
The third was smart and funny and cute and a Kiwi (I have a soft spot in my heart for Kiwis). Our second date was the day before my birthday. He "took me out" to celebrate...and made me split the bill. Needless to say, there was not a third date.
The best date I've had through this entire experience was the biggest learning experience of all. He was smart, very funny, extremely successful, accomplished and driven and very sexy. We spent a great 3 hours together and he had me giggling like a school girl! He was extremely masculine which brought out the feminine in me. It was just about perfect...until
As we were finishing off (he was running late to pick up his kids) I got up to go the bathroom. When I came back he stood up, pulled me towards him, gave me a nice kiss on the lips and walked away. He didn't mention paying so I thought he must have taken care of it.
I had a networking meeting in the same hotel and went to that. A waiter came by with a tray of drinks and I took one. Shortly there after another waiter came by with a bill. Now, I've been to a lot of networking meetings before and I've never seen a system where they offer you a glass on one tray and present you with a bill a minute later. Then I looked at the bill. $58! That's an expensive glass of champagne!!!! But no, it was actually our bar bill. My guy had left without paying.
Now, my first reaction was that he forgot. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a very direct communicator. Normally I would have just gone home, written him and email asking if he'd forgotten and we'd be laughing. But, I was so stunned by this (and a bit tipsy at this point in time) that I started telling people what had happened. I love a good story and I thought this was a good one. After I got over the initial shock I was laughing. But, to the person, everyone I told (men and women) all told me that he most likely did it on purpose and that I shouldn't give him a second thought because he was either a complete ass or a game player. Unfortunately that was congruent with some of the emails that we'd exchanged before meeting (although my experience of him in person was definitely not that!) But, I took this to heart and, instead of writing the email I would have normally written, I wrote him a very ambiguous one and one he took the wrong way.
A month went by with little communication. I did ask him to make up for leaving me with the bill by donating some items from a store that he owns to my Rotary Club's 4th of July celebration which he did.
Then finally curiosity got the best of me and I emailed him and asked him why he left like that. Well, he'd forgotten, like I'd originally assumed. Then he mis read my email and thought I was hard work so he forgot about me. Unfortunately for me and luckily for him he's also met someone else and is madly in love. I am happy for him and I learned a lot through this experience.
And there will be many more adventures to come, that I can promise you!
It's interesting dating at 48. In many ways it's much easier than when I was younger, maybe because I'm much more self-confident...maybe because I'm much hotter than I was back then (see told ya I have a healthy opinion of myself). :)
But the last few months have been quite the experience.
Now, I'm primarily using RSVP, an online dating site in Oz to find men to date. I love RSVP because you don't get as many weirdos and scam artists as I found on Match.com. It's also a great system because you can "kiss" people you're interested in and, if they are interested in you, they will reply positively and then you spend money on a "stamp" to send an email. For women it's a very cheap way to go as you get more than enough hits. I rarely send kisses...only if there is someone that really attracts my attention.
I use RSVP because I think it's a tremendously effective use of time, gives me access to a much broader cross section of men. And I can "date" in the comfort of my own home wearing old sweat pants and no make up.
I've had email exchanges with over 100 guys, met over 30 for first dates and had exactly 3 second dates. Yes, I'm picky.
I've learned some things along the way too:
- If they are under 6' tall they lie about their height...take 1 - 3 inches off (you know how bad men are with measurements). :)
- If all of their pics are taken with a cap or hat on they are bald.
- If all of their pictures are scanned in they are 5 - 10 years old.
I've only I met one guy that totally lied in his profile. He said he was 5'9" (5'6" is being generous) and that he had an athletic body (maybe he did 10 - 15 years ago but now he's almost as wide as he is tall). Now I would tell him that he'd misrepresented himself and walk out. But this was the early days and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Mid way through my first and only glass of wine he asked me how he was doing and if I'd like to see him again. I said no.
The other guys were nice, but not compelling enough for me to spend more time with.
Of the three second dates I had...
One has turned into a great friend (probably my best friend in Sydney) and business associate. He doesn't feel a "spark" for me, which is fine. We have a great time together and don't seem to get bored with each other, which is ashtonishing for both of us, really.
One wanted to move really really quickly. I suspect he was more looking for a mother for his children than a romantic partner. I like him a lot and was attracted to him but I just didn't seem to connect with him like he said he was connecting with me. Part of it was the fact that he didn't take particularly good care of himself physically, which is a big deal. Part of it was something else that I just couldn't put my finger on. But he's now in a relationship that seems to be working really well for him and I'm happy.
The third was smart and funny and cute and a Kiwi (I have a soft spot in my heart for Kiwis). Our second date was the day before my birthday. He "took me out" to celebrate...and made me split the bill. Needless to say, there was not a third date.
The best date I've had through this entire experience was the biggest learning experience of all. He was smart, very funny, extremely successful, accomplished and driven and very sexy. We spent a great 3 hours together and he had me giggling like a school girl! He was extremely masculine which brought out the feminine in me. It was just about perfect...until
As we were finishing off (he was running late to pick up his kids) I got up to go the bathroom. When I came back he stood up, pulled me towards him, gave me a nice kiss on the lips and walked away. He didn't mention paying so I thought he must have taken care of it.
I had a networking meeting in the same hotel and went to that. A waiter came by with a tray of drinks and I took one. Shortly there after another waiter came by with a bill. Now, I've been to a lot of networking meetings before and I've never seen a system where they offer you a glass on one tray and present you with a bill a minute later. Then I looked at the bill. $58! That's an expensive glass of champagne!!!! But no, it was actually our bar bill. My guy had left without paying.
Now, my first reaction was that he forgot. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a very direct communicator. Normally I would have just gone home, written him and email asking if he'd forgotten and we'd be laughing. But, I was so stunned by this (and a bit tipsy at this point in time) that I started telling people what had happened. I love a good story and I thought this was a good one. After I got over the initial shock I was laughing. But, to the person, everyone I told (men and women) all told me that he most likely did it on purpose and that I shouldn't give him a second thought because he was either a complete ass or a game player. Unfortunately that was congruent with some of the emails that we'd exchanged before meeting (although my experience of him in person was definitely not that!) But, I took this to heart and, instead of writing the email I would have normally written, I wrote him a very ambiguous one and one he took the wrong way.
A month went by with little communication. I did ask him to make up for leaving me with the bill by donating some items from a store that he owns to my Rotary Club's 4th of July celebration which he did.
Then finally curiosity got the best of me and I emailed him and asked him why he left like that. Well, he'd forgotten, like I'd originally assumed. Then he mis read my email and thought I was hard work so he forgot about me. Unfortunately for me and luckily for him he's also met someone else and is madly in love. I am happy for him and I learned a lot through this experience.
- Don't let other people's opinions influence you! Go with your gut.
- Direct, clear, open, honest communication is the only way to go.
- Seize the moment. If you see something you want go after it!
- There are men out there that can make me giggle like a school girl. They may only come around rarely but they are out there and I can find them and attract them (he later told me that we'd be dating had my email not pissed him off). :)
And there will be many more adventures to come, that I can promise you!
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